Monthly Archives: August 2015

Living in a Non-Pagan Household

(originally written January 2015)

I retired in March of 2012 and went up to Northern Ontario to live with my daughter and her family.. I enjoyed being with the family for the most part.. But the isolation that I felt up there and the fact that my future son-in-law thought because I was Wiccan that I was in league with the devil, led me back to Southern Ontario.

Most of my friends live in London, Ontario.. but I settled in Woodstock with my brother, sister in law and nephew.. In exchange for room and board I walk my nephew to school and back two days a week.. I also look after him on weekends when they work.. and cook most of the meals..

My brother and sister in law accept my beliefs so I have no prejudice from them.. I have a small bedroom and that is all.. It houses a bed, two night stands, a dresser and a tv stand and tv and that is about all the room there is… Not a lot of room to do ritual or any other magickal workings.. but I’m not complaining.. I have a place to live and food to eat and a good and loving family and lots of wonderful witchy friends.

It is winter here now and cold and snowy.. So I think that contributes a lot to my feeling lost and unable to do the things I want to do magically.. Most of my stuff is still up North, at my daughters.. I just haven’t had the opportunity to retrieve it yet.. So I have set up my altar on top of my dresser, not the ideal place, but better than nothing..

I am looking forward to the nicer weather when I can be outside…I feel most at home in nature and love to go on hikes and sit and meditate.. I have not yet figured out what I want to do regarding the rest of my life.. I will probably go back to work and save up again and retire at 65..  But for now I am content where I am..

Life throws many obstacles in our paths.. I have overcome most of them.. I have a few things I still have to work on..

thanks for reading….

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

My Constant Wind….

My Constant Wind

 

I hear the wind outside

Like the Siren’s wail

It gives me comfort and seems

To sense my sadness

On this late winter’s night

Talking to me and telling me

That all will be okay…

 

It is a part of my soul

And follows me constantly

On my journey

To find my inner self

That dark part of me that I keep hidden

Because I am ashamed

 

But my Constant Wind

Whispers in my head

That all is well….

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Musing of an Old Crone

Embracing My Winter Goddess

You would think that living in Canada I would be used to the snow and the cold..but winter still remains my least favourite season.. I lived up in Northern Ontario for a few years… The first winter I was there I wanted to stay inside from November to April… preferring to gaze at the snow from the comfort of the livingroom, perched in an easy chair, a blanket over my lap and a hot cup of tea beside me on the table.  Looking out the large window I  would watch the snowflakes gentle fall and think of how beautiful the snow is when it first falls..So pretty, so serene, so peaceful..such a wonder of nature.

I was the main caregiver for my three year old grandson and I was having a hard time explaining to him why we couldn’t go outside and play in the snow.. So off we set.. Bundled up against the cold and the wind.. I picked a nice sunny day… My daughter and her husband have 72 acres of land so lots of places to explore and walk… As we were walking along, my grandson happily gathering up snowballs in his little hands and tossing them at me, I started to really look at my surroundings..  I was seeing things I hadn’t noticed before.. The animal tracks in the snow, the cardinals resplendent in their beautiful red feathers and the freshly fallen white snow..  We even saw a fox off in the distance..  I was struck with beauty of it all.. The quietness, the almost blinding white snow.. Perhaps embracing my Winter Goddess won’t be as bad as I thought.. Perhaps she has still has some lessons for me to learn..

All That You Are

When I look to the wonder

Of all that you are

Sensing your presence

And welcoming you

Into my heart

As I emerge

From this dark place

In my soul

You are there

With arms held open

Comforting me with

Words of encouragement

I am now ready

To face my inner self

And become whole again

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

I Give Myself Permission to Be Human

I GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION TO BE HUMAN

By jc evans

I beat myself up a lot about my inadequacies and short comings.  So what in my psyche causes me to seek perfection.

In 2012 I took and early retirement, at 60, and moved up to Northern Ontario to live with my youngest daughter and her family.    Well that didn’t work out very well. I felt like an outsider and spent most of my time in my room. It wasn’t anything they did…well okay there were a few instances that I won’t go into..  I found that I was bored being retired and guess I should have planned it out a bit better.

I had my three year old grandson to look after, a couple days a week but I had to try and keep myself occupied the rest of the time.. We lived out in the country and I had no car.  I know.. excuses..excuses.. But you can only do so much reading and internet surfing.  I found myself napping a lot..

In the nice weather I went for walks, usually with my grandson in tow..  Occasionally my 12 year old granddaughter would join us.  In the winter I stayed inside, not liking the cold or snow.

This brief sojourn into retirement lasted about two years before I made the decision to move back down to Southern Ontario..

And so begins the second part of my story.  I was pleased to get my old job back and get an apartment within walking distance to work.. I enjoy my job for the most part and have a lot of customer interaction which is one of the things I find appealing.. But most of my co-workers leave something to be desired. Now I consider myself a nice person. Spiritual, kind, non-judgemental and very easy to get along with.  But most of my co-workers have such negative, prejudiced, judgemental and gossipy attitudes about their jobs, customers and working conditions that I sometimes find myself being sucked into the drama and participating in the hurtful comments.

I wake up with each morning with such resolve.. I say my prayers to the Goddess and tell her I will try hard to just keep to myself and to not be part of it all.. But I find myself complaining and joining in with the laughter and rude comments.. Not a part of me that I find desireable..

But I have come to the realization that this is something I have to work at to overcome. And that if I falter I have to just keep trying.. I am getting better.  I think in part because I am coming to realize that I have flaws and that I should forgive myself.

I GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION TO BE HUMAN

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

If I had the nerve….

On a roll today….

At work today and it is a very slow afternoon.. so lots of time to surf the net in between customers.. I should get some filing done, but meh.. I don’t feel like it.. and it will be sitting there on Monday..

I used to love working with the public but the dynamics have change drastically over the past few years..People seem so much more demanding than they used to be.. A sense of entitlement and the need to have everything done right away..

And don’t even get me started on the cell phone use.. I am privy to numerous personal phone calls in the waiting room.. I will call someone and they won’t hear me because they are too busy playing games or chatting.. A half hour later they will waltz up to the counter and inquire when their vehicle will be ready.. I say, “I called you like half an hour ago”  well okay I don’t use the word like in that sentence.. 🙂  I usually don’t say anything.. Unless they give me a hard time and they I politely say.. “I did call you”  And since you mentioned cell phones.. okay well I mentioned cell phones but then I call said customer up to the counter to present them their bill and to collect the money and they continue to chat on their phone whilst I am trying to take care of them.. Very annoying.. I wish I had the nerve to go and sit down and wait for them to finish their conversation, or that ever important, can’t wait for 10 seconds text..

Don’t get me wrong.. I love modern technology.. I have a cell phone myself.. but shouldn’t there be some kind of law in place, like there is with smoking in public places.. you can’t use your cell phone while someone is trying to serve you..

thanks for reading..

Leave a comment

Filed under Spiritual Musings

The Curly Haired Cross and the Swinging Ponytail….

Ahhh the perils of curly hair.. I have been cursed with such an unruly mass of hair that I am tempted to shave it all off.. I had very short hair most of my adult life.. Was just easier that way.. With three kids, a full time job and a husband who did diddly squat around the house,, it was just much simplier to keep it short..

When I retired the first time I grew it long.. I loved my long hair.. I got it long enough to put into a decent length pony tail.. I used to love when I was walking, feeling it swinging as I strutted about.. When I went back to work I had so many people tell me that I looked much better in short hair.. So I succumbed to the opinions of others and cut it all off again.. A decision I truly regret..

So I have decided that to hell with the naysayers.. I will grow my hair long again.. It is now at the stage that it is too short to put up yet in a ponytail and it is too long to style.. Not that I would be able to style it very well.. You would think with raising three daughters I would be a whiz at styling.. but never was very good at it.. So I am trying to persevere and putting up with the unruly mass of curls and pieces that stick up all over the place.. If I wait long enough I will once again experience the joy of the swinging ponytail..

thanks for reading..

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

When did I get to be so old….

So when did I get to be so old.Funny I don’t feel 63. And some say I don’t look 63 but I think they are just being kind 🙂 I am a little bit older now than as my Mother when she passed away at 62. So I do keep a written journal which I’m sure my three daughters will have a great time reading and be a little shocked at some of the content. I have been keeping journals since 1999. Everything that has happened in my life is in there. From all my failed relationships, to my ups and downs to my awakening spirituality. I am quite content in my life as it stands right now. Emotionally, spiritually and mentally I am where I want to be. Physically, okay that can use some work 🙂 Need to lose at least 50 lbs, but to tell you the truth I am kind of tired of dieting. The ups and the downs. I am quite active, doing alot of walking and hiking. Well okay I haven’t done too much hiking this year.  Always next year.. 🙂
I have good health (except for the being chubby part lol), a job, a nice little apartment close to work.. So see, I do get a bit of exercise.. 40 minutes a day walking back and forth to work.. . What more could a gal want?? Okay perhaps a bit more money and to win the lottery but hey I have everything I need. Will try and write about my days.
So have a good Saturday.. and will chat soon.

Thanks for reading….

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

This working for a living is…..

So at 63 I kind of thought I would be happily married, retired and live comfortably..Going for long walks on the beach with my honey, spending the winter in Florida.. I attempted to retire once.. When I was 60.  It didn’t go very well. I wasn’t ready financially or emotionally.. So back to work I went.. I was lucky enough to get my old job back.. well lucky in the fact that at my age I was able to find employment.. It is not the best place I have ever worked, nor is it the worst..  I am trying to save to buy a small trailer or cottage near the beach..  I have some debts to pay off first and then every extra cent I have will go towards my little retirement home..

I recently discovered the joy of cruising.. I recently went on a cruise in April and loved it.. So I am going on another one this October.. Can I afford to go.. Yes I can but it is cutting into my retirement planning.. I could reach my goal of retiring sooner but I want to travel and see things and have new experiences.. I won’t be able to travel after I retire so am doing it now while I am working..

Most of my blogs will be random ramblings.. hey I like that phrase.. random ramblings.. Sometimes it just helps to have someone talk to .. even if it’s just myself..

Hugs & Blessings

And thanks for reading..

Leave a comment

Filed under Poetry, STories

To Introduce Myself..

A little bit about myself then I will start blogging.. I’m not sure if I will be the only one reading this but just in case I gather millions of followers I will give you a short bio.. Well knowing me it will turn into a long and rambling bio..

So as of this date I am 63 years old.. I live in Canada.. I have 3 grown daughters, 7 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren.. I am currently working and planning for retirement in a couple of years..  I have been keeping journals since 1999 and my goal is to write a book.. Not sure if it will be fiction or non fiction.  My life is a little bit boring at times but I have had some great adventures..  I have written a couple short stories and a number of poems which I will share here over the next little while.

I am also Pagan.. So if you have a problem with that, just don’t read my blog.. Wow that sounds so exciting.. I have a blog.. My spiritual path is very important to me.. If you want to ask me questions about my chosen path by all means go ahead.. But I will not put up with badmouthing or negative comments.. You will be deleted..

Okay so here we go..

Hugs & Blessings

And Thanks for Reading..

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized