Every time one of my daughters or family member posts a picture of me on Facebook I cringe. I look ugly and terrible in the pictures.. I don’t like having my picture taken and so have very few pictures of myself “out there”.. So what has happened to plant the seed in my head that I am ugly. I look at pictures of myself and think holy shit.. what an ugly woman.. .. I could look much better if I took care of my appearance , if I wore makeup, if I lost some weight… My hair is a mixture of salt and pepper and a horrible brownish colour.. the remnants of a dye job from last year..
I keep telling myself that I don’t care.. that I shouldn’t care what others think.. I imagine all my family and friends looking at my pictures and saying “she is such a nice person” ” I wish she would take better care of herself”
But I guess I do care.. I should make the effort.. I really should. Do I feel I am not worthy. Do I feel the need to rebel against society who values what is on the outside more than what is on the inside..
I am always imagining others talking behind my back.. making fun of my appearance, all the while being nice to my face.. I think it is my insecurities that causes me to feel this way..
Well now I am rambling.. So will end this. Always good to put things down on paper, well okay at least put my thoughts to words and type them out..
Thanks for reading..